My Little Star: This photo just about sums it all up! She is one smiley, joyful, precious little baby! She has a powerful ability to keep everyone entertained by the very simple discoveries made by babies. Grabbing a foot, making raspberries, putting a book in her mouth, splashing bath water, kicking her feet, babbling-all these little things, that I can so easily not take notice of, are sources of constant laughter and awe for the other children.
It is also true that she has constant entertainment! She is so content to play and watch the others. I think her favorite playtime activity is being swung by her brother and sisters in her little jumpy seat….or other things that I’m inclined to tell them NOT to do with her until I see that she is entirely enjoying herself. I guess she’s going to be a thrill seeker.
Little Star is slightly mobile, but she has yet to figure that out. She scoots herself a little bit while she is sitting. I’m content to help delay her realization that she can move. There is something so wonderful about a baby that is happy sitting, encircled by toys and loved ones. I’m not so ready to lived in a gated community again…
Man of the House pointed out to me a few weeks ago, as we were marveling that we had absolutely no glitches in the other three pregnancies, how the child who came to us in the most sorrowful situation is also the most joyful and has shared that joy with our family. We consider ourselves very blessed. It’s not a given that we can just get pregnant whenever we want to and that everything will go smoothly. Even as far as things that could go wrong, I consider my own condition to be a very blessed one. That certainly does not mean that I don’t struggle with the outcome. It’ll always be a loss to me that I could not breastfeed her, but I also could have lost so much more.
Not surprisingly, just before I became pregnant with her, I remember praying a great deal about suffering. The idea of it seemed so loathsome to me. I knew in my heart that God was preparing my heart for another pregnancy. I know it seems from what I’m saying that I considered pregnancy and another child to be a cross. Not so. The cross and the suffering involved everything that I’d have to give up. Sleep. Comfort. Getting in shape. Wearing clothes that fit. Nausea. Being able to go out with my husband as regularly as I wanted to. Energy. More time to myself. Such petty crosses, I realize, but real splinters to me nonetheless. As I look back, now I realize that the Lord was preparing me for the bigger cross of the tumor.
I’m glad He did.
Somehow it has been a blessing. And somehow, I hope and believe, that this little girl, “Heaven in a Hat” I like to call her, will have eternal benefit from it.